As the end of the year approaches, it gets harder and harder to maintain any semblance of work ethic. I suddenly can no longer find the drive to finish the problem set, keep studying for that important test, or burn the midnight oil and revise a paper. Any work that does happen to get done doesn't feel like my best. It feels like, and often is, a second best effort thrown together haphazardly at the last minute. But I know that it still matters, even if only to me. I need to keep my habits intact, and not fall prey to the ever present temptation to slack off and not do anything. So I keep doing my work, grudgingly perhaps, but I continue to do it.
I really can't find an answer for why it's important. I know what school I'm going to next year. I already have accepted my scholarships, and so long as I don't fail my courses, I'll keep them. I'm struggling to find a reason why I continue to kill myself over homework every night. Maybe it's just habitual, maybe I feel this need to finish it no-matter what. Maybe it's the motto my parents have drilled into my head ever since I was a little kid, "Finish strong." Somewhere I can't consciously control, I want to go out on a high note after making it through 5 years at this school. I must just feel this need, because I can't explain it.
Even the easy stuff is hard to find motivation for. "Why do I have to write this blog/read this essay/write this paper?" is a question I'm always asking myself. And in moments of weakness when I can't remember an answer, I'll quit and stop whatever it is I'm doing. But at some point I'll figure out I really do have to do it. I'll stay up late and pay for that weakness that didn't let me finish it in the first place.
It has been easier in the last few weeks, as backwards as that sounds. I guess the end is so close that it gives me a reason to do the work that I have to. I suppose a goal is all I need to finish strong.
